Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
