you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
