she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
