You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize