You just made me feel so damn special
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
