when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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