$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
