God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
