I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Drunk is not a location!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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