He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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