1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there was a trapeze. enough said
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
