so explain again why im purple
no
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
