So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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