It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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