Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
