In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
