I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
