And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
