I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
