take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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