I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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