Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize