No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
