her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
