I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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