the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
