Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
