It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
