I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it hurts more in the daytime
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
