just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
