I am in a vortex of obligation.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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