There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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