My first STD was from a foam party
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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