I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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