I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think your dad took our porno
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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