it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
