i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
