I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I party with great urgency now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
