Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
