Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
