I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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