also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
