Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
