I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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