you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
where are my eyebrows?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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