i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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