who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
