Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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