dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
