Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
