2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
