Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
