I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
