I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize