i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
