my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
