i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
