if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
