she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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