is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
