no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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