Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
