I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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