I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
